findherkillher

whoa

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 07:35:17 GMT

been wayyyyyyy too long since I've written...

and wayyyy too much shit has gone on lately.

So I'll fill you in sometime when I have lot of time.

Right now I have to go to bed, cause I work VBS at my church every morning this week at 8 am.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek. tiredness <3

dont let anyone tell you...

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 00:58:12 GMT

Crashed on the floor when I walked in...
this little bugalow, with some strange new friends.
Stay up too late, and on too this,
we promised each other it was till the end.
♥
Now we're spinning empty bottles just the 5 of us,
We were all in love, and we all got hurt.
And she's so pretty and she's so sure,
Maybe I'm more clever then a girl like her.
♥
Its all right, and its nice not to be so alone,
and I'll hold onto the secrets of white houses.
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head,
I come udown at the things he says.
We're going way too fast, its all too sweet to last.
♥
My first....time....hard to explain.
And a little bit of pain.
And on a cloudy day it starts coming back.
He's my first mistake.
Cause when she dances, she goes and goes.
♥
We all gave up so easily.
I feel so far from where I've been.
So I go, and I will not be back here again,
I'm gone as the day is fading.
I'll put all my injuries in the dust,
and in my heart is the 5 of us.
Maybe you'll remember me.

Dont Let NoBody Tell You,
Your Life Is Over.
Be Every Color That You Are.
Into the Rush Now, You Dont Have To Know How...
Do It All Before You Try.

[[think about it]]

hehe, oh boy sacremento

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 22:32:08 GMT

So yes, I went and hung out with Jared...the hottie below this entry...

and yeah. It was pretty much fucking amazing.

I went with Shantel, my hottie hott hott girlfriend whom I totally adore and love!
We rocked Ashlee Simpson all the way up to Sac. And then "Pimp Juice" bumpin through the city, hehe.
Cause we're G's like that.

Mmmmhmmmmm, we got In & Out too. Oh so yummy.

Well to make this short...cause I could go off on this night forever....

Jared is amazing. He's an amazing person, and he's beautiful.
And I like the boy....a lot.

Shantel...is def. one of my best friends.
She's so no drama, and just about having a good time.

Jon...Jared's friend...Is amazing as well. He was kicking people out left and right, and he's good at debating. I liked our converation...although I think I was losing. And he was drunk. that'd be sweet to debate him when he's sober..

And basically i met a lot of really cool people, and I love Sac.

Jared and I shared an amzing kiss by a car that was on fire...yes, on fire.
[[thats like, a totally different story]]
And it was fucking bliss.

hehe, thats all <333

YAY!

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 02:35:13 GMT

I GET TO GO TO SACREMENTO TOMORROW AND HANG OUT WITH JARED!

I'm stoked! He's so awesome!

Vegans

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 04:07:08 GMT

So I'm srsly thinking about going vegan.

I've just seen so many videos, like the one I just watched...that have all made me cry really hard.

I dont want to be a part of that industry.

Its just such a big change.

Ahahahahahaha

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 23:18:26 GMT

Well Randy just left and I'm pretty bumbed out about it.
I like that boy a Lot a lot a lot. hehe.
My birthday was pretty damn fun, thanks for everyone who came
Sorry it was so last minute plans, but...ya know how I do <3

Now that I'm back to reality,
I need to get a job, and money.
So I can move soon.
Where?
Ya dunno. lol.

I had the greatest revalation on the drive home from the airport.
And I was just thinking...
"Let all just fucking play. Lets play this game life throws at us. And play to win damnit."

Ya life is pretty damn awesome.
And I'm so sick of these people who get their hearts broken and "never love again".
Thats bullshit.
Take what this fucking crazy world gives you and learn from it.
Cause we dont have that long.

DAMNIT.
hah.

THANK GOD FOR MY GIRLIES!

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 21:14:36 GMT

Last night was Jens bday party.
And it was a blast!

Minus the creepy mexican that wouldnt get off of me when I was dancing, lol.
BUT I LOVE JENS SISTER! haha

Then Jon and Cat came.
And my girlies made me feel so much better!
haha, telling me how manly she is and stuff, lol, it was hilareous!

And I love how they all were like, bumbed out that I wasnt at their New Years Party.
I dont know. I just realized last night what awesome girls they are.
Like I knew it.
But I never knew they had my back like they did last night.

It was awesome!
I LOVE YOU GIRLSSSSSS.
and WEDS. night!!!!!!!
weeeeeeeee

bus rides and coke heads

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 06:55:27 GMT

Yesterday was a fascinating day indeed...

After last nights drama...I was officially reported as a runaway yesterday morning.

For reasons beyound my grasp.

I went with friends to Saturn, only to meet up with another.

Came out...and its amazing how ugly people can show their face whereever they want...

stare at me a little harder, and I'll make your scabs all over your arms roll back cutter.

because people who do coke can only save so much of their nautrual beauty by the end of the addiction...

to only learn how to not take care of yourself and that was shown by your staring eyes yesterday.

Your hideous, I never want to look like you.

Or be like you.

So after some serious questioning about line dances, sexy purrs, texting back and forth with Ryan for years, and a full pack of ciggerrettes....

we were ready for the journey home, we took the bus.

It was the most amazing bus ride ever.

We sat next to this kid, whom you could tell never got much attention.

He spoke of feeling like "Luke Skywalker" today, and how he feels as if he is going to the "dark side".

Now as many people were freaked out in this kind of situation,

I tried to smile and ask him why.

He spoke of immature fools, messing with him

....and of restraining orders.

2 Seats in front, a man opens his window.

Goodness it was freezing.

So our new friend "luke" asked him to close it.

The man, who i thought was hispanic at the time turned out to be an amzing Greek people reader.

haha.

He told me I was beautiful, in his harsh accent...

And that I needed to eat more and gain 10 pounds!

He said turning to my friend TJ,

"If you go through a whole day, and nothing goes right...and you come home to that smiling face. Everything goes away, no?"

haha, pointing to me.

Although this complete stranger was trying to hook me up with my friend,

is compliments were more than welcomed!

He told me 2 things in our hour long conversation,

(and 3 chair moves so i could get closer, cause you see his accent was very strong)

one: "Dont mistake kindness for stupidity"

and two is my favorite: "BEWARE OF THE DOG, THAT DOES NOT BARK".

Crazy stories being shared back and forth,

and my journey with the man was almost up...

as to the fact there was a bowl or two waiting for me at my destination..

The man got off first.

We had shared some personal things with each other,

as well as given our full views on many topics of which we spoke,

not minding if it'd offend the other.

I like him.

As the man said goodbye,

and he walked off the bus...

I realized, I didnt know this mans name...

and he didnt know mine.

And...

I liked it that way.

ughhhhhhhh

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 23:01:23 GMT

I'm so hungry and all we have is mac n cheese...and I'm like choking it down!

Nassssssssssssssssssty shiet!

But yay! Tonight + Saturn + Homies.

It shall be fun!

[[ps. this Ray kid I talk to know is actually really legit]]

pretty much sucks....

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 23:21:57 GMT

Carrera By 25: i got back with you because you begged and cried and i was drunk

who says that to someone??

boogie ooogie oogie

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 23:13:52 GMT

....till we just cant boogie no more.

haha.

i love everything, and everyone.

<3

much love homies, and i hope everyone had an awesome new years!
i wanna hear stories!!!!!!

YAY!

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 02:52:16 GMT

I met an amazing guy named randy this weekend, and i cant get enough of him.
He's just what i've been wanting and needing fersherr.
He's my baby and I'm head over heels for him!

well jon just broke up with me

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 19:04:15 GMT

well jon just broke up with me...
after he blew me off completely last night to go to the bars with the notorious jen.
and then while I'm up crying worried about him,
(I even fucking called the hospital)
...cause stupid me thought he would "never do something like this to me again"

well i was wrong.

so now I'm home crying hysterically.

and need something to do on new years since i already bout a 80 dollar dress.

= (

sweet another night blown

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 05:48:46 GMT

well jon and i were suppose to go to the san jose mall....

that was 2 hours ago....

havent heard from him.

no that im not used to him making me cry by now.

just thought things would be different.

[[i just hope he's okay]]

fucking fuck suck shit bitch fucK!!!!!!!!!

things to do before I die:

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 01:23:19 GMT

1) Visit the 7 wonders of the ancient world:
a:# The Great Pyramid of Giza
b:# The Hanging Gardens of Babylon
c:# The Statue of Zeus at Olympia
d:The Colossus of Rhodes
e:The Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
f:The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus
g:The Pharos of Alexandria (The Lighthouse of Alexandria)

2)Get a full sleeve

3)Get the 7 world wonders crazy tattoo on my full back.

4)Go to every continent

5)Walk the Great Wall of China

6)Ride/Own an Elephant in Thailand.

7)Be very wealthy

8)Have a family

9)Ride canoe on the Amazon

10)Own a chimpanzee

11)Make a cd. Even if just a demo made from home.

12)Quit smoking

13)Swim in all the oceans.

14)Touch/swim with sharks.

15)Have true love.

16)Be an expert in something.

17)Never get a divorce

18)Get my relationship back with my ex-stepdad
.....i wont bore you anymore...cause I could think of a hundred more..these are just the top ones!!
<33

mmmmmmmm

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 22:12:01 GMT

im nervous im setting myself up for jon to hurt me again.

i cant tell where he's coming from anymore.

and im worried.

= (

We'll see

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 13:07:17 GMT

Well see if jon and I's talk worked tonight,
I love him,
but i want to put myself and my friends before him.

So we'll see if he changes like he promised me he would.
<3

I'm officially drunk now.
yessssssss

WHEW!

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 06:43:05 GMT

Well things are FINALLY looking better with me and Jon.

But not with Jen and I. ugh. I fucked up big time there.

Jon and I are going to go to the tea house spa tomorrow and go in the hot tub NAKIE! hehehe, it SHALL be fun. I miss him a lot. I'm just so happy he loves me as much as I love him!

take note: we called it that we're soulmates....[[you can remind us at our wedding]]

....well hopefully....hehe <3

Luis was one of my friends today...haha, as in he went nuts and isnt anymore. Something about trying to impress Jen or something, but she called him on it and he went bizerk!

Today/Last night were so good. I mean....even Kendall and I are on the same page now, how freakin crazy is that! She gained a lot of my respect today.

I miss Carly. And Jen. And Bri. And those girlies. They're just so fun!

Life = Good [[right now]]

I just hope everything crumbles from under me in the next couple days!

And oh yeah! we won our basketball game today...so tomorrow we have the semi-finals! woot woot!
even though I freakin sucked at shooting...i made it up in defense = )

and basically. I love Jon. And everyone!!!

I dont know what to think...

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 23:01:33 GMT

About all the shit thats been happening between me and jon. 1 minute he's madly in love with me...

the next...

its like, "mary who?"

it'll be interesting to see if he calls me.

He's a Liar

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 17:13:28 GMT

Ya know....

I've spent all my time lately mopping around and being depressed while he's out partying me away...

so why should I give a fuck when he doesnt?

I'm going to fucking turn around and just do whatever the FUCK I want cause I'M who's most important right now....

Not him.

And he's made it that way.

By being fucking stupid.

Whatever.

"I get mine" -Cloonan

<33

Well Jon and I broke up

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 23:17:02 GMT

Well I broke up with Jon, after he ditched me, and had Jen move in with him even though he knew i wasnt really comfortable with it.

But that wasnt the only thing. He's done stuff in the past no girl would ever put up with, and for a while I never thought I would.

I was thinking about how much i miss him, when i read his blog, and he IMed me and was saying really mean shit like, "SOULMATES? YEAH FUCKIN RIGHT". and things like that, which is funny cause I was like, Wait! Your the one that fucked up and ruined this? So why are you trying to make me feel bad? But then it hit me, cause he's a guy of course!! like duh!

And I'll write more later, cause if i get to into it right now I'm gonna start crying and Saad is right next to me and I have a pizza waiting for me....and the Notebook.....again.

make-up

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 00:17:17 GMT

So I just applied for a cometics advisor for Macys online...its like..a person who works all the booths, cause in the end I want to land a job with benefit...

I also think I'm gonna start selling Mark make-up. Cause the way I figure it...if I dont become an actress...I wanna be doing there make-up, hah!

I love make-up...I'm okay at doing it, but I wanna get better.

Jon and I drove to Monterey for a lame interview he had the Naval Post Graduate School. They said it was a restraunt but when we got there it was just their cafeteria..so of course he turned it down. But then he got a job painting a mural on Coast Range Brewery's wall, so we get a bunch of free beer, and I get to help paint it. He did however land a job at Chilis today = )

So yeah, not even basketball practice could ruin my day right now..Jon and I had In and Out...YESSSS! hehe.

Everyone fuckin better buy my makeup if I sell it damnit <333

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 01:44:35 GMT

Your Birthdate: January 18

You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause.
You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too.
Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others.
You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress.

Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years

Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities

Your power color: Crimson red

Your power symbol: Snowflake

Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Ya, so I'm not too sure bout this...but whatever. Except for the thing it says is my strength...yessss <3

today has been interesting...I saw my mom and her new boyfriend, she bought me 200 dollars worth of shit at Urban, and now I'm waiting for Jon to come over, but I'm not very happy with him right now.

eh.

Ugh. Get over yourself and the Drama!!

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 02:42:40 GMT

SAVE THE DRAMA FOR YO MAMA.

I got a lame message today from Crystal accusing me of talking shit on her, which I find hilareous considering all I do is stand up for her. Drama is lame...it seems to follow her, so I'm gonna make the best call for myself, and just back away from the friendship. Hopefully not permenatly but at least till she gets her shit straight.

Then Jon and I drove to Monterey for his interview at the Naval Postgraduate Academy's restaurant. We couldnt even get in cause Jon didnt have his I.D. hah. Pretty much sucked...but hey..I counted 98263427634123 alien strawberry pickers! How many can you count bitch? hehe.

So after thinking about going to the community college of maui...jon gave me a good idea...which he's prob. gonna regret...to move down there for 9 months first, cause A) find out if I even like Maui. B) gain citizenship and my prices for credits/classes goes down about 200 bucks. So I see it as a win win sitution.

And THEN! Jon, Jen, and Sean (dunno if I spelled that right) want to come to my first basketball game at Monte Vista....which is sweet cause I play good under pressure..but then they all have to see my dyke cut, no make-up...and sweaty...GROSS! But I'll make up for it with my 100 points. haha.

Thats it today..and if someone's reading this and wanna start drama about..go to someone else, cause I aint dealing with this shit No More Niggers!!!

<333

ps.

my dad is taking me and jon to Dennys for dinner....YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

fuck money issues and hair dues

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 04:25:42 GMT

my hair is still shitty...i went to bball practice and couldnt make a shot.

and jon is still having money problems..that affect me cause I stay up and think about how I can help and what am I suppose to do. I just am trying so hard to be supportive and give him my car for whatever he needs and let him drive it to monterey tomorrow for a job interview cause I know he needs it so bad.

i just feel like a shitty girlfriend sometimes like i dont do enough.

and now I feel like a shitty girlfriend with bad hair.